I am pretty far outed, but it is not the first thing to cross my lips. If things are going stealthily, i let it flow.

With partners i am a little mre forthcoming.

Yes, it can, and has, driven me nuts. But being out now, i don't have to care. If it comes up i am very matter of fact about it

I am lucky to live in a fairly tolerant city.

I think it would definately drive me crazy to have to be stealthy about who I am, even tiny stuff gets to me like people just assuming I'm a good christian girl...and knowing that if they knew I was an athiest they would not be smiling at me. That makes me feel icky. I'd rather have people treat me coldly because they know something about me than have people treat me nicely because they don't.

of course I've never felt like I was in danger physically or of loosing too much if people knew me. Though I have had jobs where I felt like people knowing I was an atheist could make me loose the job.

I totally agree. My big thing is that I'm accepted in my desired gender role, so people knowing I'm trans doesn't matter as long as they identify me as female. An important part for me when I started this process was that I stopped keeping secrets, seems sort of silly for me start keeping secrets again. I think I also identify with a lot of gay men and women in that I don't want to hide who I am, but I don't need to advertise is it.

Oh, that Transamerican Love Story (the show is a bit tacky I think) has a f2m contestant who is stealth but eventually comes out. Anyways it's really clearly illustrated how badly being closeted was, constant paranoia, extreme reactions to casual conversations.

I'm living with a big secret, and it's getting harder to, but the situation is so intense and unpleasant - it's a stressful and sometimes excruciating thing to play secret without playing deceit - but it feels more cruel to "come out" (heh!) with it than it does to wait, and hope, and explain / apologize later, when the closet won't be necessary or attractive anymore.

I agree with SV, but I live on a strange obverse side of the idea; basically, if anyone treated me nicely on the basis of having discovered me, I'd hate them, and maybe even do something stupid like harm myself or break the rules that keep me alive. It's harsh, harsh as shit, the harshest I've ever known, the most crushing. I'm surprised I'm putting all this forth, at all, but I figure: enh. I read the thread and it came to mind. I've been unable to hold back every fragment - really, for awhile now. Some of it is pride: it's a gas, to me, that I'm strong enough to live this way, to be alive. It amazes me. But I can't have people changing, I can't have enemies and opponents soften to me (or take advantage of me, either!) and I can't let people think that I want (or believe I deserve) more than I merit because the truth is so enervating and unusual / because we're trained to respond a certain way to certain realities even though the responses we're taught aren't necessarily the wisest ones.

Sometimes coming out needs to happen slowly, and conditionally, or its just jumping into a pool of acid, or running outside naked in a blizzard, or uh yeah, stuff like that.

I lived stealth and I have lived out.I am telling you I will never live stealth again.It felt like I had so much pressure on me.People tell me that I am a way different person now.Because I was quiet and passive to everything.That And I was real bad about just not going anywhere that maybe a prob with being found out.Thats fine and dandy but you end up missing alot of stuff when you do that.I wouldn't go with my friends to stores,out to dinner,going to clubs or bars..I became very lonely and depressed..No way could I live a life like that.I came out many years ago.And I didn't do it slowly.I ripped that bandaid off fast.I was suprise how I was supported but my friends..My mom took it great.My father and his side of the family no longer talk to me..Which with time is ok with me...Being a strong person helps...